Phrases which may bring a smile.....

Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened.

 

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs.  I think of them as stray eyebrows.

 

I try to take one day at a time--but sometimes several days attack me at once.

 

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them

 

I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

 

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

 

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

 

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting  clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up  in  the first place!

 

What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?     (A Rumour)

Why do little boys whine? (They're practising to be men)

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? (Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.')

 

MIDLIFE -

Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired moustache. Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans, we are flying squirrels in drag. Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear without turning around. Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked. You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film. Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones. Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?" Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water. The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it. You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice icecream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?