Red Hat Disease

WARNING!!!!! VERY CONTAGIOUS TO FEMALE ADULTS

 

(Especially those over the age of 50)

 

 

 

SYMPTOMS
Becomes glassy eyed when "hats", boas, and "red" or "purple" are mentioned.
Mumbles in strange language understood only by other afflicted females.
Victims tend to gather together in groups calling themselves "Chapters."
Hangs out in strange places, frequents antique stores, hat shops, tea rooms, and any place red and purple items are sold.

Have been known to break out in giggles, songs, and kazoo playing without warning.
May be identified by red hats, purple clothes, and occasionally by red wax lips and the blowing of bubbles.

Feverishly checks stores and web sites for the latest "Red Hat" items.

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NOTE
Becomes violent when refrained from doing any of the above.

 

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RECOMMENDED TREATMENT

 

Give money in large doses.

Allow full freedom to attend clandestine gatherings of other victims.

 

DO NOT believe anything the patient says!!!!

"I swear this is my last hat"

"No, that wasn't my purchase on the charge card"

"What new dress????"

"The delivery driver just left this package here for the next door neighbours"